akaalysia

http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/sKrSqTWzUow/obsessive_freak_abner

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COOPERSTOWN, NY—In a series of baffling events during the summer of 1839, obsessive freak Abner Doubleday reportedly coerced locals into...

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/WMiqYhpIqv4/sumerians_look_on_in_confusion_as

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In one of Christianity's most momentous events, members of the earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 5,600 years ago as God created Heaven and Earth.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/gXzSIDcc1lo/the_ones_we_lost

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Medieval peasant Hadriel Rolfe passed away on March...

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/qavtVudbLXQ/dinosaurs_sadly_extinct_before

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More than 65 million years ago, a cataclysmic event drove a majority of the Earth's species into extinction, and tragically, wiped out the last of the dinosaurs long before bazookas could be invented and used on them.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/hwVLGgvFSmU/a_complete_history_of

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Slideshow

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/YZfb_JGTfts/pilgrims_depart_for_america

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On Sept. 16, 1620, a group of Puritan Separatists took to the sea in hopes of escaping persecution from soccer and its ardent followers, specifically those who would not allow the Pilgrims to live a life in which they could openly reject traditional soccer practices.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/o4_pSGsq7qI/new_war_enables_mankind_to

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/new_war_enables_mankind_to?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

With the groundbreaking development of "war" more than 7,000 years ago, mankind acquired a new tool that for the first time ever made it possible to definitively resolve conflicts of any kind.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/uBEyANwSKTo/magna_carta_issued

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The Magna Carta, which limits the powers of the king and binds him to the rule of law, was issued on June 15, 1215. What do you think?

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/4opK6dtXzko/rat_shit_covered_physicians

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According to recently discovered journals, the 14th century's rat-feces-smeared men of science were at a total loss to explain how the Black Death was able to spread so quickly across Europe.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/okWE6zajXS8/roman_populace_constantly

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While the practice of racing chariots on circular or oval tracks enjoyed extreme popularity in the Roman Empire, particularly in the rural Southern provinces, historians claim its legitimacy as an athletic event was often a topic of heated debate among contemporary sports enthusiasts.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/ysy5odEt_YY/conquerors_you_may_have

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Sigfried the Insecure: Viking who finally mustered...

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/Ax1aYKIw8x8/smarmy_under_performing_a

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News In Photos

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/ivkFEENZbws/neanderthal_man_flocking_to_caves

http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/neanderthal_man_flocking_to_caves?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

All over Western Europe and Central Asia, Neanderthal man is inhabiting caves in record numbers. What do you think?

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/JbPGAqqWeUI/deaths_of_550_000_confirm

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/deaths_of_550_000_confirm?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

Following the lethal poisoning of more than a half million people over the course of several millennia, cultures across the globe finally learned how to identify which mushrooms could be safely consumed.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/lTVnV_M5bec/four_or_five_guys_pretty_much

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Following 1,000 years of cultural decline and societal collapse known as the Dark Ages, the 15th century brought forth the Renaissance, an unprecedented resurgence in learning and the arts, which four or five guys pretty much just strapped onto their backs and carried the whole way.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/MEgEkQQDq2A/fire_setting_everything_in_sight

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In what was perhaps the most meaningful discovery ever made, early man exited the safety and shelter of his prehistoric cave, struck two stones together, and for the first time in history created fire.

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/ytuUFTqNuOE/either_ming_or_yuan_dynasty

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In one of the most important events in all of Asian history, either the Ming dynasty or the Yuan dynasty seized control of mainland...

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http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/weekly/~3/TFdFci1REhQ/industrial_revolution_provides

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After centuries of chronic unemployment, millions of small children across the United Kingdom saw their lives drastically improve when the Industrial Revolution at long last provided them with steady factory work regardless of age, size, or experience.

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